World's Worst Songs

On my Facebook page, I have assembled a list of songs I like, but my critical analysis would not be complete if I did not create a list of songs I hate. Too many hit songs have lyrics that suck, and I'd like to give them credit.

To qualify for my list of World's Worst Songs, a song must (1) be a former hit, (2) have compelling music, (3) have words that are extraordinarily stupid if you analyze them without the music. My list is short, but I will add to it as new candidates come to me. (You can also email me your suggestions.)

Waiting On The World To Change by John Meyer.

Listen to the words. Translation: "We know the world needs to change, but we prefer to sit around and do nothing." Great social message!

Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston

This song is a compilation every conceivable adolescent cliche, starting with "I believe the children are our future." Duh! There's no obvious connection between the cliches. If you throw in enough of them, every teenager's going to find something to identify with. Basically, though, the song is about "me, me, me," which also helps sell it to teens.

You're Beautiful by James Blunt

"I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do." This guy is beauty-fixated. I mean, this girl could be a total moron, and he don't care. The purest form of love, it seems, is based purely on appearance where you never actually communicate with the object of your desire.

Lady in Red by Chris De Burgh

Everything in this song is about superficial beauty. Not one word about this lady's abilities or anything she actually does, only about how she looks to the singer and others in the room. Complete and utter idiocy.

ALL Rap Music

The whole genre is crap! These guys know how to rhyme, nothing else.

My First Song! -- "Galaxy Queen"

After a week of work (across 7 states), I have just finished my first complete 3-minute song. I have no significant training in music, don't play an instrument and can't sing, yet I still believe can write a decent song. Skeptical? Just give a listen.

You might want to listen to the tune first (synthetic piano). Then, if you find it compelling, you can listen to me singing the song (video 1/2011). Here is the sheet music (2-page pdf) and below are the lyrics. (Midi file available upon request.) Both the tune and lyrics are my original work.

As the songwriter, it is my responsibility to provide a simple tune and lyrics. (Since I have no formal musical skills, I can't go any further.) It is someone else's role to provide the arrangement, the voice and the instrumentals. I may fine-tune the words, but to me the song is done, and I am ready to move on to the next project.

Below are the lyrics. What do they mean? You decide.

Galaxy Queen

You sent a garrison of soldiers
Flying up to Neptune's borders;
They were following your orders all along.
It was all a great charade
To fix the fallacy you made
When you decided to remain upon the throne.

Your rocket ships, your laser blasts,
Your luscious lips say nothing lasts forever.
You offer war; I pray for peace.
The closing door prevents release to Heaven.
Hostage seven.

In the galaxy, there's no more understanding.
All diplomacy has perished by the gun.
And it's plain to see that the sun is no more shining
On the tragedy of the god that you've become.

Turned upside down and wrong side right
I thought I'd found my satellite in you.
You eased my doubt, released my fear
'Til you blew out the atmosphere we live in.
You're so driven.

In the galaxy, there's no more comprehending.
All democracy has vanished on the run.
And my eyes can see that the moon is no more smiling
On the travesty of the bitch that you've become.

Running rings round Jupiter feeling sorry for myself,
Knowing that your spies are everywhere,
Knowing at the root of it are the demons in yourself,
Knowing you could face them if you dare.

You want it all, you get the curse
As queen of all the universe forever.
But I knew you and you knew me
When we went through academy together.
Lost endeavor.

In the galaxy, there's no chance left to flower.
All diversity has fled what you've begun.
And the stars can see that the risk of too much power
Is insanity in the child you've become.

Turned upside down and wrong side right
I though I'd found my satellite in you...
You...
Nothing's true.

---

(c) 2008, Glenn Campbell. Photo source.
You can see all my songs here. All my songs and screen stories are indexed at LoveStrangely.com

Best Song of All Time: "Houdini's Box" by Jill Sobule

My favorite song of all time is "Houdini's Box" by Jill Sobule. It is rather obscure, and I have never heard it played on the radio. You can listen to it for free on Rhapsody on their Jill Sobule page.

To me it's the perfect mix: simple voice, simple & compelling imagery, just enough accompaniment. What is the song about? I have no idea, but that's exactly the point: It's little mystery that you get something more out of every time you listen to it -- like all great songs.

The important elements of the lyrics --

• Powerful
• Ambiguous
• Symbolic
  
• Dangerous

The "danger" comes in the idea of being locked in a box underwater. It is a metaphor for drowning in a relationship. I think ALL great songs have this element of existential danger to them.

It resembles another favorite song of mine, "Hotel California" by the Eagles. What is the song about? Who the hell knows, but the imagery is so compelling that we try to figure it out every time. The song work and lasts forever because the mystery is both compelling and unsolvable. (The last thing we would want is for the songwriter to tell us what he was thinking when he wrote it; that would totally spoil the illusion.)

Sobule's song, I imagine, started with the words "Houdini's Box" and was built from there. It doesn't really have to "say" anything; it just has to leave you with haunting questions.

The ending is perfect, the way it leaves you hanging.

I've tried listening to Jill Sobule's other songs, but none can compare to this. The others, I think, get too wordy and specific; they don't remain lyrical and symbolic like this one. She's got a fantastically subtle voice, but she's just not putting it to good use.

What she needs is a good concept editor.