Photos: UNLV Student Protest

UNLV Student Protest, 35 photos. 1/22/08

Photos from a protest by college students, faculty and administrators against massive state budget cuts for higher education.

Kilroy Café #21: "God Finally Smites Vegas"

Here is the latest Kilroy philosophy essay, released today. You can print it out on a single page via the pdf file, or you can read the full text below. Also see my other Kilroy Café newsletters.

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GOD FINALLY SMITES VEGAS

Sin City had it coming
but He was busy and only got to it now.

By GLENN CAMPBELL

Predictions from a thousand pulpits finally came true this week as Las Vegas reeled from a series of scourges of Biblical proportions.

In the latest calamity, an unprecedented 2-day snowstorm shut down nearly all access to the city by road and air, cutting off its vital supply of gamblers from other states.

The vision of a "White Christmas" on the Las Vegas Strip served as a bizarre symbol of the economic chill that has befallen the city in recent months. No region has been harder hit by the current recession than this oasis in the desert. Although some local leaders remain in denial, it is now increasingly clear that Las Vegas, like Coney Island, will never regain its former glory.

God Himself was not available for comment, but a source close to God revealed that the Supreme Being was quietly pleased with the turn of events in the entertainment Mecca.

"When people pray to God and ask for justice, they expect it to happen right away," said the source. "God doesn't work like that. He has to do things His own way on His own timetable."

The spectacular collapse of the Las Vegas economy is said to have vindicated God's new "low intervention" philosophy of moral enforcement.

By most accounts, God has kept a low profile in recent centuries, parting no seas and releasing no catastrophes that couldn't be explained by "science."

Snowstorm aside, the current collapse can be seen as the city's own doing, the result of the past hubris and narcissism of its residents.

As recently as a year ago, there was a broad local consensus that the exponential growth of the previous two decades would continue indefinitely. In 13 years, the metropolitan population doubled from 1 to 2 million, and locals believed that it would quickly double again. Current figures indicate most forms of growth are now negative.

Gambling was seen as a "clean" industry with no visible drawbacks. Few residents perceived it as a fragile and exploitative pseudo-economy buoyed up by the illusory wealth of inflated housing values nationwide. Vegas was built on easy credit and couldn't help but collapse when the credit dried up.

God's role remains largely invisible and seems to be limited to systems development rather than daily operations. The source explained that when a system is designed right, God can just sit back and watch things happen.

"He doesn't have to do a damn thing," said the source, who quickly apologized for his profanity.

"What goes around comes around," said the source.

—G .C.

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©Glenn Campbell, PO Box 30303, Las Vegas, NV 89173. See my other philosophy newsletters at www.KilroyCafe.com

Screen Story #10: "It's Now or Never"

IT'S NOW OR NEVER

SET-UP: We are inside a tacky Las Vegas wedding chapel. The ORGANIST is drunk and is hunched over on his keyboard, asleep. The MANAGER pokes him and he jumps into action, abruptly playing "Here Comes the Bride." A couple comes down the aisle. They are both dressed in casual tourist clothing. They approach the alter, toward the preacher who is turned away from them. The preacher turns around dramatically and we discover he is… ELVIS (or a reasonable facsimile). He launches into a well-practiced performance in which he sings a sappy love song, says something about the "joining of two hearts," then begins the legal wedding oath. He asks the GROOM if he takes this woman as his wife, and he says "I do." Then he asks the BRIDE.

IGNITION: The woman is tongue-tied. She looks around in a daze, recognizing what she is about to do. She shakes her head and starts pulling away. "No… no," she says, "This isn't right. I can't do it."

ACTION: The ceremony comes to a screeching halt. The GROOM draws the BRIDE aside, while ELVIS, the ORGANIST and the MANAGER awkwardly wait. He wants an explanation. The BRIDE gives a long list of reasons why the wedding shouldn't happen: They have only known each other two weeks; he's unemployed; he blew all his money on blackjack last night and she had to pay all their hotel bills this morning; a dozen past girlfriends have called him while they were together and he took all their calls; he is seriously behind on his child support payments from a previous marriage; he has been drunk half the time he has known her, and she would be embarrassed to take him home to her parents. He isn't even much good in bed because he is so insensitive and self-centered.

The GROOM is stunned. The case against him is overwhelming, and there is no way he can respond. He seems ready to accept defeat and leave the chapel.

SHIFT: Then ELVIS intervenes. Speaking in the inspirational voice of The King, he gives a corny little speech about love. (The ORGANIST even takes the hint and plays the appropriate background music.) Elvis says the course of true love never goes smoothly. Love is always a risk, he says, but to make it work, you have to be willing to take chances. Marriage is just like the lottery, he says: You never know if you've won if you don't buy a ticket.

He then begins singing, "It's Now or Never."

The BRIDE shakes her head, as if saying, "I can't believe this is happening." On one side is logic and common sense, and on the other is this cloying and manipulative sales pitch.

ELVIS urges the BRIDE to look deep within her heart before she walks away from this man. He asks her to come back to the alter.

TWIST: And she does! She picks herself up and goes back to her position. Elvis asks the question again, and she finally says, "I do."

RESOLUTION: The couple kisses, and ELVIS starts singing another love ballad. The couple walks hand-in-hand out of the chapel, but ELVIS keeps singing. When the song is over, it is just him and the ORGANIST in the chapel.

"Thank you," says ELVIS to an imaginary audience. "Thank you very much."

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© 2008, Glenn Campbell, PO Box 30303, Las Vegas, NV 89173. Also see my other screenplays

BTW: Here are the lyrics for "It's Now or Never."